I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
