Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
