WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
