Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
