if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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