And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
