I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
