Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
