guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
