I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
