That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
