don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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