ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
People in love make me want to vomit
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Mom said you looked used
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
