Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
