I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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