the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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