you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize