how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The air taste purple.
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