ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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