mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
