I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
