He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
home. puking in laundry basket.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
