Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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