could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
