The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
