She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
