He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
