well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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