You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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