I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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