What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
