I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
