I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
