I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Bring me that man meat
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
