I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
