just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
