ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
