I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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