I want to stick my p in your. b.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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