My room smells like vodka and shame
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
