and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
