My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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