I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
