she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
