he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
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I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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