he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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