I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
