This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
