Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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