i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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