proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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