i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
