This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
