Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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