Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
