on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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