Soap is not a condiment
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We are two peas in an std pod
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
