Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
