Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
