he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
