You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
