Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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