Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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